It’s amazing, how much allowing yourself to admit you really want something, especially something you thought you’d never have, loosens that knot in your chest and belly you’ve carried so long you’d forgotten it’s there. Amazing how being able to breathe strengthens your resolve, and makes you see that you are capable of far more than you’d allowed yourself to believe.
The adoption discussion has moved from a “what if?” to “let’s find out what we have to do to make it happen”. One of the foster care agencies in town has monthly orientation meetings, and classes for people considering adoption. I’ll be attending both in July. I have the approval of my psychiatrist, and a promise to write the appropriate letters when needed. I’ll be having a full physical this summer and will be asking the doctor for a similar letter when the time comes. I am lining up references for both of us. And I have placed it in God/dess’s hands, trusting that the right child will come to us at the right time, as long as we continue to do the work.
Who knew allowing myself to be happy, to say what I want, to set a goal and know I’m going to follow through, could feel so good?