Monthly Archives: January 2013

Sometimes when you win, you lose…

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But it can be fixed, if you work at it.

A few weeks ago, the day after my therapy session, The husband and I had one of our very heated “this is not a fight” conversations.  It was over something that had been a bone of contention between us for 20 years – an activity I very much wanted us to do together, that he very adamantly DID NOT WANT to do (get your minds out of the gutter, it has nothing to do with THAT).  At the end of our conversation, he finally agreed to it – and I realized that I hadn’t won at all.  He would do it because he loved me, but he wouldn’t enjoy it – and if he didn’t, I wouldn’t either.

So we sat in limbo for a few weeks, until I finally got to see my therapist again.  I told him about the fight, and vented for a bit… and he asked a couple of questions… and I realized it wasn’t the activity itself I wanted to share with The Husband; I wanted to share the Joy I used to feel doing it.  Once I realized that, I realized that there is something better, something that used to bring me Transcendent Joy and Connection to everything around me… so I went home to negotiate.

We are not going dancing together – ever.  Instead, we are going to take a vacation somewhere that has horses, and take a couple of lessons, and go riding together.  If he likes it, we’ll find a way to continue those lessons and trail rides when we come home.

Technically, by giving up the dancing I lost – but we both won.  I can definitely live with that. 

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The way forward is the way back…

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When a resolution winds up being harmful, the smart thing is to give it up.  So I’ve with drawn from the weight loss class because it was tripping all sorts of triggers from my eating disorder days.  Instead my husband and I are giving www.myfitnesspal.com a try.  Together.  Which I think is the only way we’re going to suceed at getting healthy.

I’ll hang onto the resolution about following through and completing projects – but have extended it to all aspects of my life.  Don’t commit to more than I can handle.  Don’t commit to something I’m not sure is right for me.  Once committed, follow it through to the end.  The exception, of course, being when that commitment winds up being BAD for you – but truly bad, not just inconvenient.

Those Pesky Resolutions

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Keeping it simple this year…

Write more?  We can see how well that went LAST year.

I joined a medically supervised weight loss class and support group – the first class is 1/9/2013.  Class runs 8 weeks, then the group continues once a month for a year.  I’m going to participate instead of sitting in the back like a lump.  I’m going to finish instead of dropping out halfway through.

I’m going to finish one knit or crochet or embroidery project a month.

And that’s it.  Participate and Follow Through.  I can do that.