But it can be fixed, if you work at it.
A few weeks ago, the day after my therapy session, The husband and I had one of our very heated “this is not a fight” conversations. It was over something that had been a bone of contention between us for 20 years – an activity I very much wanted us to do together, that he very adamantly DID NOT WANT to do (get your minds out of the gutter, it has nothing to do with THAT). At the end of our conversation, he finally agreed to it – and I realized that I hadn’t won at all. He would do it because he loved me, but he wouldn’t enjoy it – and if he didn’t, I wouldn’t either.
So we sat in limbo for a few weeks, until I finally got to see my therapist again. I told him about the fight, and vented for a bit… and he asked a couple of questions… and I realized it wasn’t the activity itself I wanted to share with The Husband; I wanted to share the Joy I used to feel doing it. Once I realized that, I realized that there is something better, something that used to bring me Transcendent Joy and Connection to everything around me… so I went home to negotiate.
We are not going dancing together – ever. Instead, we are going to take a vacation somewhere that has horses, and take a couple of lessons, and go riding together. If he likes it, we’ll find a way to continue those lessons and trail rides when we come home.
Technically, by giving up the dancing I lost – but we both won. I can definitely live with that.