This is what happens when you are raped by someone in your social circle:
You go home and cry in the shower so no-one can hear you.
You throw away everything you were wearing, because you never want to see or touch it again.
Then you shower again. And again. And again until you are finally convinced you can’t smell him on you.
You think about what happened over and over, trying to figure out if there was something you could have done to avoid it. “I shouldn’t have had that drink. I shouldn’t have flirted. I should have dressed more modestly.”
You convince yourself it was your fault.
You don’t sleep much. Or you sleep too much.
You think about going to the police but you don’t because you’ve read all the horror stories about how rape victims are treated.
You try to tell someone, but you don’t because you’re afraid they’ll tell you you’re lying, or that it’s your fault.
You go to the doctor and get an STI screening, but don’t tell her why. Or maybe you do, but you don’t listen to her when she tells you it’s not your fault.
You cry when your period comes because you’re so relieved you don’t have to make The Decision.
You avoid any gathering he might attend, even if it hurts a friend or family member.
You stop seeing the friends who are still friends with him – but you don’t tell them why.
Then, if you’re lucky…
One of your friends convinces you to stop avoiding her and tell her what’s wrong.
She cries with you.
She gets mad for you.
She tells you it’s not your fault until you believe it.
You get mad.
She helps you find a professional to talk to, and you start fighting your way back to normal.
*Yes, I am speaking from experience. No, I will not go into further detail.